Welcome to Camp Half-Blood
by Kung Fu Coffee
Summary: Set in Deathly Hallows. When the Dursleys are sent to a 'camp' for protection, Dudley finally exits his shell. Just a cute oneshot about the Dursleys at Camp Half-Blood. Enjoy!


Hestia Jones and Deladus Diggle traded weary glances as Petunia and Vernon Dursley clutched tightly to their son, Dudley.

"Ma'am, you'll need to let go of your son." Hestia informed Petunia gently, clasping one of Petunia's frail, bony hands in her own. Deladus took one of Vernon's, so the five formed a sort of human chain, with Hestia and Deladus on the ends, then Vernon and Petunia, and then Dudley in the middle.

With a loud crack, Hestia and Deladus Apparated away. The three Muggles felt like they were being squeezed out of a tube of toothpaste, and didn't really like the sensation. With a loud pop, they arrived at their destination.

In front of them- apparently they had just teleported to another place- was an elderly man in a wheelchair.

"Hello." The man said pleasantly in an American accent. "Hestia, Deladus, how are you?"

"Very well, thanks Chiron." Hestia smiled warmly at Chiron as Deladus pried Vernon's hand off of his own.

"Can you take it from here, Chiron?" Deladus asked, massaging his hand that Vernon had crushed seconds ago.

"Yes, I think I can." Chiron looked up at the two wizards. "I wish you the best of luck. May the gods be always with you." Deladus and Hestia bowed, and then Apparated away.

"Well, welcome to Camp Half-Blood!" Chiron said, opening his arms grandly. The Dursleys looked around. They were in a lush valley with twelve cabins in a U shape curving around the immediate area. They were in front of a big house with a sign that said, conveniently, Big House. Chiron led them up the stair and into the first room.

"Sit, sit." Chiron gestured towards the plush chairs that the three gratefully sank into. "Now, I assume you know why you are here." Vernon nodded his head. "To get away from Voldemort. Here at Camp Half-Blood, you will be under outstanding protection, and Voldemort will hardly stage an attack _here_."

"And why's that?" For the first time in about five minutes, Vernon spoke.

"Because we have the gods on our side." Chiron said simply.

"B-b-but, what gods?" Vernon spluttered scornfully.

"Ah, that will be explained in the orientation video." Chiron glanced over at Dudley. "How old are you, son?"

"I-" Dudley began.

"He's eighteen." Petunia cut in.

"I believe I asked the boy, not you." Chiron rebuked gently. A faint blush graced Petunia's cheeks. "Very well, you all can see the Restricted version."

_TIME LAPSE_ TIME LAPSE_ TIME LAPSE_ TIME LAPSE_ TIME LAPSE_

Vernon, Petunia, and Dudley stepped out of the room, two of the three shaking like leaves in a storm. Dudley, however, seemed to accept where he was.

"So, you understand about the gods now?" Chiron looked up from the table. A plump man wearing a leopard top and swim trunks was sitting across from him, and they were playing pinochle with a young boy in an orange shirt.

"This is all a trap to get our money!" Vernon blustered angrily. "There aren't any gods! And especially not Greek ones!" The man in the leopard print stood up and walked over to Vernon until they were nose-and-nose.

"Excuse me, but do you know who I am?" The man raised his eyebrows. Vernon shook his head.

"No, why would I?" Vernon asked.

"I am Dionysus, god of partying and wine." He glared at Vernon. "And if I were you, I'd start believing in the Greek gods. Fast."

"Are you really?" Vernon suddenly turned polite. "Nice to meet you, Sir Dionysus. I am Vernon Dursley."

"Nice to meet you." Mr. D looked at Chiron. "Hey, can you please take care of these wackos? I don't want to." Vernon bowed at him as he left. "See you around, Vector!"

"It's Vernon!"

"Right, Vittore."

Chiron smiled. "Now, Vernon and Petunia will stay in the Big House, upstairs, and Dudley will stay in one of the cabins."

Once Vernon and Petunia had been settled, Chiron started on figuring out where Dudley should be.

"What are your hobbies, son?" Chrion asked Dudley kindly, who immediately responded.

"Boxing and hunting." To Chiron, it seemed a little _too_ automatic.

"Any secret ambitions? That can't be it!" Chiron smiled at him. Dudley blushed bright red.

"Well, I do like gardening…" Dudley admitted shamefacedly. Chiron patted him on the back.

"That doesn't make you any less of a man!" He chuckeld. "I myself have a large collection of potted flowers that I take quite a good amount of time and pride in." Dudley smiled, opening up to this friendly man.

"Thank you, sir." Dudley smiled back.

"Very well. I'll put you in the Demeter cabin- she'll understand. The whole lot of them is so kind." Chiron, who had already revealed his true centaur self, trotted out, Dudley at his heels.

After Dudley had settled in and met his very kind cabin mates, he went out for a walk.

"Hey, fresh meat!" A big, bulky girl with a spear and two burly boys flanking her blocked his path. "Hey. You wanna know what we do with newbies?" Dudley decided to take the polite route.

"What's that?"

"Say, newbie's from England." The girl sniggered, and straightened, as if acting posh. Sure enough, the next words that left her mouth were said in a fake Brit accent. "Oh, I've got dih-t awn ma ve-yst! Oh, Mummy, hwat evah shall oie do?"

Dudley snarled, and spun on his heel.

"Hey, punk, get back here! PUNK!" Dudley rolled his eyes and walked away from a fight for the first time in his life.

"You alright?" A pleasant, smooth voice asked Dudley. He turned to face a tall, muscular girl with a bandana tied around her fiery red hair holding out a canteen of water.

"Yeah, thanks." Dudley accepted the water and toyed with the canteen in his big hands.

"I'm Lakeisha- Keisha- Roberts." She stuck out her hand. "Nice accent."

"Thanks." Dudley took it. "I'm Du-" Dudley stopped, remembering what Chiron had told him. _'You're no longer Dudley Dursley. You're Tristan Larkson.'_ "I mean, I'm Tristan Larkson."

"You sure, cause you didn't seem very sure." Keisha's face broke into a saucy grin. "Make up your mind!"

"Yes, I'm Tristan." Dudley said firmly (A/N it felt so weird typing that!). "I'm sure." Keisha nodded.

"Alright. What cabin are you in?" She asked him.

"Uh, Demeter." He replied, unsure.

"Really? Great, I'm in Demeter too. I was just tilling a rye field." Keisha said excitedly. "Awfully dry this planting season."

"Rea-really?" Dudley stuttered from nerves.

"Yes, really. Say, what's your deal, you look really nervous." She punched him playfully. "No need for that!"


End file.
